Isn’t it Queer?: Poly-Ponderings on Love, Sex and Connection in Abundance

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Hello Vibrant Souls! Today on Isn’t It Queer? I bring you thoughts, ideas, dilemmas and revelations from a queer, polyamorous, purveyor of love, sex, and connection, Dia Davina. To preface our plunge into that sparkling can of omni-sexual worms, watch this incredible spoken-word piece/delicious real talk, from Dia Davina about the challenges and rewards of poly-life:

 The Polyamorous Mating Habits of the North American Red Squirrel

Dia Davina’s piece rocks my fucking rainbow socks, not to mention, they are so attractive, charming and articulate, it nearly blinded me. Hey Dia, I know three lovers is already a lot, but hit me up. Their piece illuminates the unique challenges that poly people take on when choosing to live an alternative lifestyle: the social pressure and frequent questioning from outside parties, the lack of support from family, the lack of good poly role models to learn from, the daily face to face battle with jealousy or possessiveness and the negative impact those emotions can have on relationships. Davina’s piece gives poly folks the gift of not romanticizing or glorifying poly relationships. Speaking anecdotally, there is a tendency in groups that live alternative lifestyles to feel pressure to depict their community as having chosen the ideal, revelatory, revolutionary, and flawless life style choice and the one with the most benefits, rather than just a life choice. When the reality is, people with multiple lovers, partners or spouses, also come with childhood trauma. They are also prone to feeling jealous, not feeling worthy, struggling to keep promises, and a whole assortment of other very human behaviors. Because -crazy concept- poly people are human, as fickle, inspiring, and full of potential, as is implied.

Davina’s piece, boldly and honestly, shows the challenges that poly lovers face, touching on everything from having to remember the precious details of each interaction with each of your lovers -citing emotionally fatal text message errors- to the revelation that having a plethora of partners, does not numb the very real pain of heart break, no matter how much incredible support our abundant community lends us. My favorite point Davina makes, remarks on the dilemma that poly life and successfully navigating multiple love relationships has no formula or road map. Making it perhaps one of the scariest life style choices in love, sex and connection. A majority of poly folks do not have parents in the lifestyle to model their practices on, and in all reality, a large number are attempting this lifestyle in order to escape some of the emotional stagnation they saw in previous generation’s monogamous tendencies. Making our “best practice” a brand new uncharted territory, that is frequently debated. “How do I tell my partner I need to spend time with my other partner in their time of need?”, ” How do I explain that I am not interested in the same sexual practices with one partner as I am the other?”, “How do I ask my partner to take responsibility for their jealousy?” “How are all of my partners having their period on the same day?”, “How do I process feelings of jealousy around my partner’s new partner?” Also, most prevalently, “what the holy fuck am I doing?”

DiaDavina

Being brave enough to take on your jealousy and apprehension in order to obtain abundance, is stressful. It is hard to take on a lifestyle that is stigmatized by the predominant culture, and equally exhausting being called “greedy” or “damaged” and having your relationship choices be repeatedly invalidated. It is refreshing to hear a piece that does not spend it’s time justifying our lifestyle to monogamous individuals (which is necessary at times) but instead validates the experience and struggles of those seeking their abundance despite great struggle. The piece is cathartic to listen to, hysterically funny, and as a political piece of art, it does justice to the poly-lifestyle, by portraying poly individuals as the diverse, emotionally complex, humans that we are.

-To your personal revolts and riots and especially to your learning,

Cory

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Cory is a poet and novelist in the Los Angeles area. They have worked in mental health, education, social justice and fashion blogging and they aim to lead by example by bravely living an examined lifestyle.

“The learning process is something you can incite, literally incite, like a riot.”

Audre Lord

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**ATTENTION ALL RED SQUIRRELS** COM|PASSionate REVOLT will be at the Contemporary Relationships Conference in Austin, TX on May 15 + 16, 2015 doing a workshop on Queering Consent: Navigating Consent Outside of the Hetero AND Homo Normative.

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There are photographs in this post that were borrowed lovingly from the internet and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the photographers and websites who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the subject’s or artist’s identity or beliefs. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email compassionaterevolt@gmail.com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.

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COM|PASSionate Events

Happy Friday REVOLUTIONARIES!

We know that posts have been a bit off kilter (and off schedule) here in our tiny little loving space on the inter webs. There’s has been travel, conferences, exams and general life that has been taking up a lot of our brain, body and heart spaces recently. We’re ready for some slow cooked, cell phones turned off, shoes left at the door, sleeping bags thrown on the couch for unexpected sleepovers, alarms snoozed, 2pm brunches, super low pressure hangout/chill time this way. We hope that along with all the wonderful revolution everyone is stirring that you’re also making a little space for the all important deep slow breath this weekend. If you’re looking for a little COM|PASSionate trouble, as always, here is our event round-up and announcements for upcoming fun community loving!!! 🙂

Image Credit {http://bit.ly/1KrQPlF}
Image Credit {http://bit.ly/1KrQPlF}

EVENTS

Get out, take care of yourself and heal in community!

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Don’t forget there’s lots of upcoming ways to get involved!

  • A friend of COM|PASSionate REVOLT, Maryam Rasouli, is offering counseling services for anyone that needs extra support during this difficult time that Muslims are going through via phone/in person/Skype. You can contact Maryam at 657-201-7508 or email her at mrasouli@gmail.com. Read more about Maryam on our Mental Health Resources page here and read her full bio in the post notes at the bottom of the page.
  • Lewis and Clark’s Gender Symposium is coming up 3/11-3/15 and we’ll be dreaming of Portland. The theme of this 34th annual conference is, Material Conditions: Gender, Sexuality and Capitalism. All lectures, sessions and art shows are FREE and open to the public! Get your deconstruction on REVOLUTIONARIES!**

RECOMMENDATIONS

Feeling like some quiet time at home is what you need? 

  • DARK MATTERCourtney Klink, the Butch Goddess and our contributor of Isn’t it Queer, reminded of us of some of our favorite poets/activists/all around amazing humans in her last post: Poetry Soup for Achy Souls. Dark Matter is a South Asian  performance art duo comprised of Alok Vaid-Menon and Janani Balasubramanian. They will make you laugh, cry, think, get inspired and get accountable– a tall order for any artist. Need a pick me up? Need some fire for movement? Need to simultaneously laugh/cry about the intersectional journey? Fall down a glorious Dark Matter bunny hole…

Dark Matter Website

Dark Matter YouTUBE

Return the Gayze (Alok Vaid-Menon)

Queer Dark Energy (Janani Balasubramanian)

In solidarity,

COM|PASSionate REVOLT

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*Events are put on by the CR Community/CR Community members. Other events are by friends of the CR Community or of interest to the CR Community. Feeling a little nervous about getting out and involved? Email us and if we can we’ll make some introductions so you have a friendly face to say “Hi” to when you get there!

**Most of these events will be local to Southern CA (unless we notice an event that sets us off into road trip dreamland.) If you want to do a COM|PASSionate event round-up for your local area let us know!

***Are you an individual, meet-up or community group that has some COM|PASSionate events of your own? Email us for details on how to submit your event to our calendar!

compassionaterevolt@gmail.com

****More about Maryam****

Maryam is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT#84366.) She received her master’s degree in Counseling Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy from Argosy University, Maryam has worked in various organizations dealing with issues such as trauma, abuse, domestic violence, depression, anxiety, premarital and marital matters in Orange County for the past six years. She has also provided school counseling services for the past three years. Maryam has provided counseling and case management services to diverse communities including immigrants and newly arrived refugees. She has provided counseling services for youth, adults, couples, families, and groups. Maryam also speaks on various topics dealing with psychology and counseling at colleges, high schools, elementary schools, and community events. Maryam is fluent in Farsi and Dari and is conversational in Urdu. Orange County. She received her bachelor’s in Sociology with a minor in Biological Sciences from the University of California, Irvine. Additionally, Maryam is a certified Prepare and Enrich Facilitator for premarital counseling, and a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. You can reach Maryam at 657-201-7508 or email her at mrasouli05@gmail.com

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There are photographs in this post that were borrowed lovingly from the internet and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the photographers and websites who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the subject’s or artist’s identity or beliefs. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email compassionaterevolt@gmail.com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.